archives

this is the archive of my status updates prior to this blog. there are a lot missing because facebook doesnt archive stuff for very long but you get the picture.

august: a stupid ticket on the windshield, a beautiful woman covered in dirt unloading boxes in a truck, a happy group of men bullshitting in front of a steel shop, a tiny man smashing the curb in a big truck, sloppy graffiti and a woman closing her eyes as she bit into a pastry. i think today will be a good day.

sept 1: saw on his two walks to work today: a guy with on dreadlock reading poetry (lame), a hipster with a staring problem (double lame), three boots of assorted sizes and styles on the ground and two pairs of shoes on a telephone line. suck it dan.

sept 2:my way to work i saw: a man in scrubs stacking boxes, yelling at the UPS driver, "You should be stacking these bro!" To which the driver responded in a surprisingly high voice, "Don't say nothin about my shit bro, I handle mines!" Scrubs in a garage? Im not walking that way any more.

sept 16: New York Dave from my first summer in Tahoe, an armored windowless bulldozer and the elation of recess at Ten Eyck Primary School.

sept 17: three men chatting in spanish as they pushed a shopping cart filled with coupons. they were hard to understand but one thing was certain, one of them was gay, but who? they spent two blocks trying to determine which of them it was. when they arrived at the end of the block the conversation shif...ted to who should post the coupons, (again without a clear outcome) then reverted back to sexuality.

sept 18: a cop in a fitted out Chevy Nova holding his gun, a Hassid walking broad legged with his long jacket blowing in the wind like a cowboy and a tall man wearing a fedora, tapered jeans and glittery shoes. There were also at least four repairmen fixing doors and windows on the same block.

sept 22: saw on his walk to work today: an asian girl crying into her phone on her balcony and the giant-headed white kid at Ten Eyck Primary School.

sept 25: saw on his walk to work today: a parks department worker cleaning up the park, wearing a velour tracksuit and a hardhat.

sept 29: saw on his walk to work today: the practical women of Brooklyn fitted out in their nicest work clothes and the biggest, whitest walking shoes they can find.

oct 1: saw on his walk to work: a terrifying man with a mullet in a pony tail, gelled top, tapered sweats tucked into no-name sneakers, 40oz and a bagel in hand. He moved fast as hell and I was afraid of making eye contact with such a strange beast.

oct 2: saw on his way to work: three women sitting in a cloud made entirely of the shine from their jewelry, perfume and cackling. A more horrifying threesome has never been seen.

oct 3: saw on his walk to work today: the same mullet dude from a couple days ago! A tiny lunatic on a huge bike was ringing the bell on his handlebars, heckling "don't be jealous just because you dont got one of these" (RING RING!). The mullet man replied, "I got a hundred of those" and walked away fast as hell, 40oz in hand.

oct 5: saw on his walk to work: two young girls telling an old lady to go fuck herself, a really happy fat man in boots standing in front of the live chicken place, a short kid smoking weed with a tall girl on the fire escape and a skinny man looking in car windows.

oct 6: saw on his walk to work today: a pigeon face down in the bushes growing around a hydrant on Waterbury and around the corner the same plate of plaintains and squash that's been there for a week.

oct 7: saw on his walk to work today: just a huge crate of cabbages and a dude with an american flag skullcap sitting on the stoop of the Black Boot Saloon which purports to have snacks in addition to beer but has never been seen with less than four padlocks keeping it shut.

oct 8: saw on his walk to work today: the first sign of halloween - a smashed pumpkin.

oct 9: saw on his walk to work: a "watch your step" sign to which someone added "kid" in marker.

oct 10: saw on his walk to work: the desolate avenues of the non-neighborhood east williamsburg bushwick that the city has dubbed north brooklyn industrial zone. there's glass in the street and weeds in the sidewalk.

oct 12: saw on his way tp work: a horse mouthed ten year old in front of a dry-cleaner yell to his sister, "what the fuck is that salami doing on the floor?" She responded, "that's not the floor, stupid." The sidewalk is indeed not the floor.

oct 14: saw on his ride to work today: the Bushwick Hotel, the dubious windowless site of countless murders, rapes, drug deals and amoral liaisons. How many baby daddies and missing persons reports are you responsible for Bushwick Hotel?

oct 20: saw on his ride to work: a smashed rooster in the intersection, spilled blue milk in the street and a man having a seizure while good samaritans threw their arms up in frustration. the crossing guard was unfazed.

oct 21: saw on his way to work today: the Super Laundromat, a sight to which his mood balked and asked, "what's so fucking super about that?" The volume and quality of the pigeon shit caked on the awnings of the Super Laundromat shut his mood right up.

oct 23: saw on his ride to work today: a woman sing-talking into the phone, "I'ma cook me some chicken noodle soup... wit some mothafuckin hamburger and tatas!" There was also some apple vomit next to a Ferrari in Bedstuy.

oct 26: saw on his ride to work today: a man on a bike with a sound system rocking the fuck out to puerto rican music.

oct 27: saw on his way to work today: a woman mouthing the words along with the subway announcement, "This is a test of the emergency public address system. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. This is a test." She had nice lips and a camo jacket. The announcement was the clearest I've ever heard but not because of her pantomime, it just was.


oct 28: saw on his walk to work: a bullet casing on the sidewalk and a really pleasant looking short-bus driver holding lottery tickets.

oct 30: saw on his walk to work today: some random dude smoking a joint, a pair of identical greyhounds staring at me and bag of dirt.

oct 31: saw on his walk to work today: a stone faced middle-eastern man, unexpectedly give a broad and earnest smile.

nov 2: saw on his ride to work today: a guy that looked like an anorexic Sinbad (the inappropriately labeled comedian, not the pirate) wearing a hat that said "S.O.B." and a woman who yelled out from inside her groceries, "No, I'm just checkin if I'm prennant!"nov 3: saw on his ride to work today: a fat lady giving him the stink eye. she was wearing uggs and a raincoat (and nothing else that could be seen) which was lucky because she had red gatorade dripping down her face.

nov 3: saw on his ride to work today: a fat lady giving him the stink eye. she was wearing uggs and a raincoat (and nothing else that could be seen) which was lucky because she had red gatorade dripping down her face.

nov 4: saw on his ride to work today: a kind-faced crossing guard and a menacingly stoic school security guard (are they real cops in nyc?) that looked like they could have been sisters.

nov 10: saw on his walk to work today: an old woman with dyed black hair and pink sunglasses with lenses the size of saucers. She was hanging out on the side of the bodega, smoking an impossibly thin cigarette.

nov 11: saw on his ride to work today: the morning delivery at El Gallina Live, a truckload of chirping chicks.

nov 12: saw on his walk to work today: the same lady from Tuesday except she was wearing black glasses and smeared makeup (still smoking on the side of the bodega though) AND I met the owner of El Gallina Live from yesterday and he was (to my surprise and confusion) Middle Eastern. The chickens were smelly.

nov 13: saw on his ride to work today: a clump of hair on the sidewalk and a man sitting inside the open panel of a moving Snapple truck. He waved at me and my hat blew off in the wind.

nov 16: saw on his ride to work today: a lady wearing a velvet waistcoat laughing as she rode past on a crappy bike. something about her made me wish that she would get hit by a truck but she just kind of bounced around on the grooves in bushwick ave.

nov 18: sawn on his ride to work today: a short bus filled with motorcycles and a refigerated van with "WONTON SPECIALISTS" stenciled on the door. The bus was parked and the van was driven by a man who had perhaps spent too much time focused on wontons and not enough on driving.

nov 20: saw on his ride to work today: a fish-faced woman driving a boat of a car. Fish Face, you look almost as ugly as you do stupid.

nov 23: saw on his drive to work today: a nearly albino woman drinking carrot juice, a kid sleepy faced little girl staring out a window overlooking the BQE, a lot of manhattan architecture and a bright blue palm tree.

nov 24: saw on his walk to work today: a man angrily eating his lunch on a stoop, two single file lines of kids at Ten Eyck Elementary yelling on the asphault, and a man with a dull and malicious face being led into an apartment by two enormous squawking women.

nov 25: saw on his ride to work today: Wallgreens is selling an Antonio Banderas fragrance. As if that isn't horrifying enough, they're also offering a Tim McGraw scent. I opt out of an obligatory bad actor/hick joke and conjecture that they both just smell like shit.

nov 30: saw on his ride to work: the good men of williamsburg covering their fancy hats with all manner of plastic bags, fitted shower caps and enormous hoods. several of the officers standing out front of the 90th precinct followed suit.

dec 1:saw on his ride to work today: not much... some cars, a bunch of squares and a couple of brightly dressed crazy men talking to an ATM like a puppy.

dec 2: saw on his ride to work today: a man wearing a long african shirt whistling astoundingly well. It was a hearbreaking tune and it could be heard for blocks.